WTF?


Retirement jokes
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part
of his physical exam.  The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this
jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."  The next day the 85-
year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which
was as clean and empty as on the previous day.  The doctor asked, what
happened and the man explained.  "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still
nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with
the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up
Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then
an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still
nothing."  The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"  The old man
replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."


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9 New Foundations That Are Changing the Coverage Game

When it comes to shopping for foundation, our criteria has been the more covert the coverage, the better. But a new generation of smart formulas is changing the game, providing all the benefits of camouflage—long-lasting, skin-matching, barely there—along with several multitasking 2.0 additions that we didn’t even know we needed. Armani’s Designer Lift Smoothing Firming Foundation is inspired by silk Lycra, supporting the skin with a slight lift while simultaneously concealing imperfections. Maybelline’s new Fit Me Foundation forgoes waxes and oils in favor of a translucent coating that allows your actual skin to make an appearance, while Skinleÿa by Sisley offers a prescription of choice anti-aging additives to smooth complexions while its gel-cream texture disguises blemishes. Diorskin Nude Air Serum is as fluid as they come, with a sheer texture that melts seamlessly into skin. Whether you’re after wrinkle-resistant color correction, weightless coverage, or a full day of budge-proof perfection, here are nine new foundations to manage your every complexion want and need.
When it comes to shopping for foundation, our criteria has been the more covert the coverage, the better. But a new generation of smart formulas is changing the game, providing all the benefits of camouflage—long-lasting, skin-matching, barely there—along with several multitasking 2.0 additions that we didn’t even know we needed. Armani’s Designer Lift Smoothing Firming Foundation is inspired by silk Lycra, supporting the skin with a slight lift while simultaneously concealing imperfections. Maybelline’s new Fit Me Foundation forgoes waxes and oils in favor of a translucent coating that allows your actual skin to make an appearance, while Skinleÿa by Sisley offers a prescription of choice anti-aging additives to smooth complexions while its gel-cream texture disguises blemishes. Diorskin Nude Air Serum is as fluid as they come, with a sheer texture that melts seamlessly into skin. Whether you’re after wrinkle-resistant color correction, weightless coverage, or a full day of budge-proof perfection, here are nine new foundations to manage your every complexion want and need.

 

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