Tarzan and Jane play in the jungle


Little Johnny jokes
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go
home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their
story. Little Suzy raises her hand.  "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday
we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at
the market.  Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out
of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of
the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little
Lucy went next.  "My dad owns a farm too.  Every weekend we take the
chicken eggs and put them in the incubator.  Last weekend only eight of
the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the
story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next
up was little Johnny.  "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his
plane was shot down over enemy territory.  He jumped out before it crashed
but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete.  On the
way down, he drank the case of beer.  Then he landed right in the middle
of 100 Vietnamese soldiers.  He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he
ran out of bullets!  So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more.
Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his
bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked.  After clearing her
throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been
drinking."

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When it comes to shopping for foundation, our criteria has been the more covert the coverage, the better. But a new generation of smart formulas is changing the game, providing all the benefits of camouflage—long-lasting, skin-matching, barely there—along with several multitasking 2.0 additions that we didn’t even know we needed. Armani’s Designer Lift Smoothing Firming Foundation is inspired by silk Lycra, supporting the skin with a slight lift while simultaneously concealing imperfections. Maybelline’s new Fit Me Foundation forgoes waxes and oils in favor of a translucent coating that allows your actual skin to make an appearance, while Skinleÿa by Sisley offers a prescription of choice anti-aging additives to smooth complexions while its gel-cream texture disguises blemishes. Diorskin Nude Air Serum is as fluid as they come, with a sheer texture that melts seamlessly into skin. Whether you’re after wrinkle-resistant color correction, weightless coverage, or a full day of budge-proof perfection, here are nine new foundations to manage your every complexion want and need.

 

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